There’s someting going on with me at the moment. I have evidence and everything. But more of that in a bit.
1. I am panicking over my having a very expensive dress for my lovely SIL’s wedding in 6 weeks time. Why? I don’t know. Everyone else has had a lovely outfit so why shouldn’t I? Because, deep down, I know that it looked better on the size 8 model on the website and I don’t think I’ll do it enough justice. How silly is that?
I have the dress. It’s fabulous. It really is. And I look great in it. But it’s not the best the dress could look so I don’t know if it’s right for me. I am also thinking that as I’m not where I want to be with my weight yet, that I shouldn’t have new clothes until I am where I want to be.
But then I beat myself up for thinking like that, because it’s going to take a long time to get to a size 14/16 so I need to be realistic and stop torturing myself for not achieving my goals instantly. That’s what the title of my blog is – nothing worth having was ever achieved without hard work. So I need to belt up, motivate myself and get on with it.
2. I am off pasta, and chocolate cookie mix dough. I lay the blame for this entirely at the door of Sarah Turner. She’s a hypnotherapist who I’ve been seeing to talk to, and having hypnosis around my eating habits. It’s had a big effect on me.
.
Look at this picture. I know it doesn’t look like much to you, but to me, it’s what used to be my nirvana. Chocolate chip cookie dough. I used to make it and steal it from our boys. I did. I really did. I loved it. Even though I knew I felt sick I kept on eating it. I needed a reward for doing well at work, or consolation for a bad day, or energy to see me through. Or so I thought.
3. Anyway, that now leads me on to ishoo 3 – I don’t know what I do want. I don’t want food. I don’t want to be stressed or having spots or feel rubbish. But what do I want? I’m going round and round in circles at the moment, planning and replanning business stuff, because I want to feel like I’ve got control over something, that I AM IN CHARGE. damm it !! I AM IN CHARGE. I’m kind of in charge of my eating, because I’ve definitely changed for the better. But the gap from the eating has left a big old hole in the rest of me. And I don’t know what to do about it.
Anyone got any thoughts, ideas or opinions on any of this?
Leave a Reply