Ha ha ha. The joke is definitely on me now. I went to my Cambridge Weight Plan check in yesterday and found that I’d only lost one pound. It’s a loss, but not the sort of thing you go through not eating for. I know that I’ve done fish and chips, dinner out, dinner out, ice cream, alchohol, asking for extra potatoes at an awards dinner and bags of crisps, so I can’t complain. I think it’s important that I default to transparency and document it accurately.
But I did need some new jeans because my jeggings were quite literally falling off me and were too baggy around my thighs. I went to Evans’s – assuming I’d be in jeggings again, but in a size smaller. Lo and behold, they really did not look good on me at all, in any size. The assistant was so kind as I stood these confused about what to try on. She gave me pairs of size 16 and 18 jeans whilst I insisted on taking size 20’s into the changing room because I’ve not worn jeans in at least two years – it’s been stretchy jeggings with elastic waists. The 20’s were huge, falling off me. So I’m in size 18’s. This is something that I never expected to happen again – wearing proper jeans. They do have stretch in them, but they are properly structured. They are tight on my tummy, but gaping at the back. They are a great fit on my legs and bum – I know, I’m so modest.
It’s been a very strange sensation – having the jeans around my tummy. For anyone who doesn’t know me in real life – I have a huge tummy – I mean disproportionately big. It’s a shame, because really I’m happy with the rest of myself – I just don’t like people asking me when my baby is due on a monthly basis. And yes, it does happen that regularly. I really worked today, to notice how it feels to have the tightness, contrasting with the great fit in other places – accepting my tummy for what it is, how it feels, what it makes me feel about myself. There’s all sorts going on there. Not least and I know this will sound strange to many, but it’s also something I’ve held onto, because I am very sad that we won’t be having another baby in the house – we may well foster or adopt in the future, but we won’t be having me pregnant again and I’m sad about that.
So that’s where I am. In a pair of fitting jeans for the first time in a while. It feels good and yet I’m hyper aware that I’m wearing them!!!
In other news, I have the most unattractive ear infection known to mankind. Reasurance was sought – apparently the small hole means it will let the infection out and I will begin to feel better soon. Really? How about right this minute? I’d be very grateful for that Universe, if you could just bring it about for me :))))
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