None of this, I repeat none of this happens to me regularly or indeed has ever happened to me in my life even once. I’m just hypothesising about what it might be like to be an full time working mother who is overweight and trying to get regular exercise in the fresh air.
- Think to self, this is it, this is the year that I do more exercise because I know that when I exercise I eat better
- Think to self, hang on a moment, every time you exercise, you sweat so much that you have to change your bra and t shirt, so it’s just going to create more washing
- Think to self, look out there, weather’s not great is it
- Think to self, well, you’ve put it in your diary that you’re going to do good old walk with the dog, so you are going to have to do it – remember Seth Godin wrote that in his book – “do what you should do, and the good feeling will follow”….
- Phone rings – it’s work – thank God for that!!!
- Balls, it was only a quick call, I’ll still have to do the dog walking
- Right, here we go, I’m getting out of my office chair
- Kiss goodbye to mac, tell it to be good whilst I’m out of the office
- Go to house, announce self to dog with a smile
- Dog rolls over and goes back to sleep
- Hunt for dog walking lead
- Check lead has dog poo bags holder on it
- Check dog poo bag holder actually has a roll of poo bags on it
- Take off regular socks
- Hunt for welly socks
- Scream with frustration that the welly socks have been taken out of wellies
- Put wellies on
- Head out of back door with dog who is not on lead, lead in hand
- Wave lead at dog, who instantly lies down on the ground and pretends to be dead
- Coerce dog into lead, feeling guilty that I’m pulling on her ears to make it happen
- Remember that I’ve not been for a wee before leaving the house
- Back into house, dog following, lead trailing through puddle en route
- Wet lead makes patterns on lounge floor
- Wellies off
- Upstairs to the loo
- Remember what it’s like to be a child whose mother is shouting ‘just try for a wee’ before a long car journey
- Wash hands, find dog at top of stairs, trailing wet lead and feet and body up the stairs, full of dirt and God Only Knows What
- Get down back downstairs
- Put wellies on repeat process of coercing dog out of house
- Remember that you’ve forgotten to put on what is essentially a nappy to cover yourself for leakage, as you bound over hill and field with the dog
- Remember that you’ve not put vaseline on the skin at the top of the crack of your bum, to prevent sweat getting in there and making your bum really sore
- Wellies off, back up the stairs for nappy hunting and vaseline application
- Tuck t shirt into jeans, layer up again – god, it’s so hot before I’ve even started, that I no longer need a coat
- Realise dog truly has gone to sleep – she’s snoring like a freight train
- Wake dog up to receive look of utter disdain. She’s given up on me, it’s taken that long to get out and sorted
- Drag dog out of house for ninth time in twenty minutes.
- Begin dog walking and exercise session.
Like I said, none of this happens to me on a regular basis. None of it. And even if it did, I’d have been writing about what actually happens when I walk the dog, not the preamble to the activity itself. Perhaps I need to show others how it’s done? Hmmm. So, what of this can you relate to? If you’re not an animal owner, just substitute the names of your Husband, kids or your parents in here. It all works the same, apparently….
He doesn’t like the dog. Not at all, remember? But he still cuddles her before going back into the football fray!!! A video posted by Liz Weston (@westoncomms) on
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