If you’re tired of the back to school / starting school stuff, then move right along, because this is another one of them…
By the time that W had done a 9am – 12 noon school day, he was tired, overwhelmed and wired. He just would not stop yabbering at us in the car. He was very much “there” but “not there” if you know what I mean? We took him and his friend E (not brother, this is a girl who is a friend) with us as her mummy is at work until school pick up time, to Waitrose to buy a cake and he was so unhinged that he didn’t manage to demand the usual cakes, crisps and treats that he usually does.
I knew he had things on his mind when he came to me at 6am to talk about why he couldn’t actually go to school today, because Mr Hatfield’s classroom roof had fallen in. He’s obviously heard us talking about the Sawston College fire where a roof came down and allocated it to his own classroom. We explained that it was a different school but he wasn’t having it. And then he demanded that each of us sit where he wanted us to, to eat cereal this morning. And then of course, we had the fighting with his big brother over a pair of sunglasses which meant that they were both on the front step in tears for the obligatory starting school shots.
By the time we were at school he was fine, and playing in the playground. We walked him in, Mr Hatfield helped him hang up his bag and kit and said “Do you want to go and sit on the carpet now W?” To which he said “No” and just stood there. So we left him in Mr Hatfield’s capable hands.
I’m just trying to get it all down on my blog, in photos, even on an audioboo file. I feel lost, I am so sad that they are both now at school. I love them hanging out with us. I love them being here in our house together. When they aren’t here, it’s a house, not a home. I’m proud of them both for being strong adventurous souls who play well and make friends easily. I’m hopeful that W will eat nicely at lunchtimes, because hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day and it’s not his specialist subject.
You know, another job came up recently, where I’d work full time for someone else. If I’d taken it, I wouldn’t have been there for all these things today. They would have been reported in, but I wouldn’t have actually been there. And I want to be there. I want to see their faces. I want to hold their hands. I want both my face and my husbands to be what they see in their memories of starting school. Of us holding their hands, wiping faces of tears and grazed knees from playing Baddy Spiderman and Orgres and Monsters. I want that. So for now, I’m not going to take an incredibly well paying job that would mean I could afford to have custom made John Lewis curtains on a whim, because being there to wipe snotty, salty tears is worth far more than a pair of curtains, any day….
And in case you don’t believe me about the sobbing on the step this morning, here’s E in full sulk mode and W in full sobbing at the injustice of the world mode.