I want to write a letter to myself, not the whole “to the teenage me” but for something far more important… “to the new mummy me”… It’s inspired by a conversation with a new mum recently, who felt that she was struggling to work out how to keep on top of everything. So here goes…
Dear Liz
Congratulations. You did it. You finally had your baby. Well done. I wanted to write and address a few things so that you can have the confidence you deserve to have in raising your baby with Lovely Bloke.
1. You did a good job of being pregnant.
Just because all you managed to do was be sick, faint and sleep – in-between shovelling in plain noodles from the chinese takeaway for 10 months, that doesn’t render your pregnancy a negative. You cultivated and cocooned that baby and will do another – in pretty much the same fashion. It’s just how your body “does” being pregnant. Accept it. And after the next one, resolve to never do it again….
2. You did bring your baby into the world. You did it.
It’s ok that you didn’t have your hypnobirthing water experience that you’d worked really hard and practised for. It’s ok that you went a loooong way overdue – you were just doing such a good job of 1, that your baby was very happy where he was. It’s because of 1 as well, that the whole inducing process didn’t work – he was just so happy where he was. And even when you had your c section, you still brought your baby into the world – it was just via the sunroof and not the place which you’ll come to refer to as your ‘girls bottom’ for the rest of time going forwards.
3. You are doing a great job of feeding your baby.
You wanted to breastfeed and you’re making it happen. It’s a great thing that you’re confident in your breastfeeding – at home, out and about, on a plane, at the top of the Empire State Building.
Why? Because at some point in the next few months, an American woman, who knows little better, is going to be rude to you one day in Starbucks. You’re going to draw on your confidence accrued to date and discreetly lean into her ear and tell her in no uncertain terms, in your best Liam Gallagher accent and phrasing exactly what, where and how she can stick her narrow minded thinking and viewpoint.
Please note that you’ll only do this whilst Lovely Bloke is putting Precious First Born into his buggy. You don’t want either of them to hear you telling her, in detail, exactly what you’ll do to her if you see her ever again, with every swear word, including that rude one that you never, ever use, because you don’t want your husband to see you in a different light. You’re Cambridge Mummy now, and you don’t want people to see anything other than Cambridge Mummyness of you these days….
4. Accept your tummy.
You’re going to get lucky again, and sooner than you think, and create another little person to house and look after in there, so you may as well accept that you’re not going to be doing anything about the muffin top, or rather bakers dozen of muffin top ness that you have. Instead, keep going with the walking (to cake shops) with Mother Rouse – the Batman to your Robin, and you’ll be fine.
5. Don’t expect so much of yourself.
And this, is where it’s really important that you listen. Please, please, please, give yourself a break. You are not meant to be wonder woman. You are not meant to be able to do the washing, cooking, cleaning, making puree, doing crafting and singing stimulating and educational songs to your Precious First Born every day. Heck, if you get each of these things done once a week you’ll be doing well. Give yourself a break woman! What wasn’t cleaned or perfect then still is not now and you and your family are just as fine now as you were then – if not more so!
6. Adjust your expectations.
Being a Mummy is a blessing and the greatest thing you will ever do in your life. But it’s also one of the many great things you will do in your life. Stop thinking that you have to be consumed by your Precious First Born all day and night, every day and night. It’s ok – no, it’s more than ok, to think about yourself, Lovely Bloke and to look for opportunities to keep your own identity. That’s not selfish. It’s practical – it’s what makes your you.
And whilst we are at it, can you please, please, please, work to adjust your expectations of life as a Mummy and as a Wife. Neither are hearts, flowers and roses all day, every day. In fact, if they are any of those things, even once a week, then take it, seize it and love it. It’s really a bit daft to think that life as a Mummy is going to be a bit of hard work, with lots of fabulousness the majority of the time. It’s not just the converse – it’s totally the converse!!! It’s hard work and a slog most of the time, with brief moments where Lovely Bloke and/or Previous First Born, will smile or smirk – and it won’t be from farting. It’s precious, it’s real and something that you want to grab hold of and love with both hands. Squeeze your boys. Make the most of them and enjoy them.
7. Address things when the are small – nip them in the bud.
This applies to relationships, the washing, the Previous First Born being unwell, and yourself and Lovely Bloke being under the weather as well. I won’t write any more here – there’s so much that this can apply to.
And finally, be happy. You’re doing a great job. You have a gorgeous, loving and cohesive family unit. You’re striding out together making a new path for your new family – doing things differently, making it work and having fun along the work.
Enjoy every moment x
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