Things that did not happen to me last week…

So, here’s a list of things, events and stuff that has not happened in the last week. I can categorically state that this has not happened to me or anyone I know.

Last Tuesday, I did not spend the night struggling to sleep knowing that I was going to do the “and relax” position with the GP the next day.
I did not wake up late, rush around with the boys, fretfully…
I did not decide to go to bootcamp in an effort to appease the Gods and offset any potentially imminent pain, embarrassment and feelings of meh ness on my part.
I did not wriggle into a sports bra that is three sizes too small. That I can’t fasten at the back. That I then thought I’d have to ask a Mum in the playground to fasten for me. That I didn’t ask my seven year old son to help me fasten. That I didn’t fasten on my own eventually after a lot of sweating and wriggling around.
Nor did I then think to phone the GP, at 8.30am and check on what time my appointment was, to find that it was 9.40am and that I didn’t have time to go to bootcamp and then home, shower and get to the appointment on time.
I didn’t do the school run, leg it into the house, wrestle to get my too, tooooooo small sports bra off and end up ripping it, to take it off. Nor did I have a shower and spray deodorant everywhere, including my nethers, in preparation for the appointment that I didn’t have.
I didn’t go into the GP appointment, to have a coil fitted, to have to sign my initials against a list of random and things that I didn’t like the look of at all, as being potential consequences of having a coil fitted.
And I most definitely did not yelp and whimper as I had a coil fitted. I didn’t get into a laughing conversation with the GP about how she refuses to use the phrase “relax” with ladies when their knees are around their ears! Instead, she did not ask ladies to “go floppy” which incited even more giggling on my part.

I’m just sharing. These are things that have not happened to me in the last week. And nor, do I need to go and buy myself a new sports bra. No sir, not me.