It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside…. I’m not one of those who can, easily hide, I know it’s not much, but it’s the best I can do, to say these words, to you….
I don’t know why I felt the urge to share those lyrics. I do love the song though and I’ve been thinking about it a fair bit recently. Particularly with regards to our boys. We’ve had a phase of them expecting something – usually a toy – every time we’ve gone out recently. And I’ve found it really difficult to manage. I want them to know that we love them. We want them to know how much we value them. But I don’t want to show them by buying them something.
And you know what I’m realising? It’s a slow burner this one… That the best way I can do that for them and to make myself feel good, is to spend time with them. Doing things together. In fact, it can be anything – I’m surprising myself at how simple some of these things can be!
They want me with my mind empty – like the picture below – free to focus on them and do things with them, and really be in the moment, really there and doing it whole heartedly. Not with a mind like the left of the image – full, to the brim, of all sorts of things that are competing for my attention whilst with them….
Today, we had to do an hour’s drive to somewhere. So we played the 20 questions game. I guessed animals that were in the boys minds and vice versa. Previously, I’d be listening to the radio, mentally writing a blog post, making lists and working out what the priorities were for my work tomorrow morning. By doing the game with them, it put me right there in the moment with them. And it felt really good. After about 20 minutes of guessing at Newsts, Sabre Toothed Tigers and Hammerhead Sharks, I was struggling, but it’s progress.
And you know what’s brought this about – to the forefront of my mind? My mindfulness day with CamYoga yesterday. I was there to learn about being more efficient for my business – Weston Communications. But actually I got more out of it for me, as a person. The day was geared for individuals, but I went assuming I’d be able to apply it all for my work. When actually, what really needs my attention are my relationships, at home, with my husband and boys and my friends.
And there’s more to come on this. But I’m going to save that for another blog post – because I’ve got jobs to do at home. And I want to do them now, so that I can have some time out tonight, with the TV off, and to get an early night! The former – because all there is, is sad stuff or things that make me think that my life’s not enough as it is, and the latter because my favourite thing in the world, that my body and I love, is sleep!
Image courtesy of http://www.socksofdoom.com/ – a brilliant site!
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